Some April Foolishness in Predicting the World Series

Opening Day is here in Major League Baseball, so that means that it’s time to look ahead to October and predict the 2012 World Series champions.  If you enjoyed the success we had in predicting sneaky fantasy baseball pick-ups for the Japan Series, then you know that we are darn near psychic here at

Building upon our profound success in baseball predictions, behold our can’t-fail premonition for how the 2012 MLB season will play out.  Go ahead and break out the chisel.  You can set these prognostications in stone.

American League

The AL East is going to come down to the New York Yankees, the Boston Red Sox, and the Tampa Bay Rays.  Or at least that’s what all the “experts” want you to believe.  I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but the Toronto Blue Jays have the best record in spring training.  As tempting as it is to go with the “experts” in the East, we’re taking the Blue Jays.

We just watched a rerun of “Major League” last night.  That was a funny movie.  The Cleveland Indians win the AL Central.

In the AL West, the Seattle Mariners and the Oakland Athletics already have a commanding lead in the standings, even before Opening Day has arrived.  Both teams have been tearing it up in spring training, too.  So we’ll take the Mariners to win the AL West, and the A’s as the Wild Card.  Seems perfectly reasonable to us.

National League

Now with the way this article is going, you’re probably guessing that we’ll pick the Washington Nationals or the New York Mets to win the NL East, right?  Wrong.  Everybody knows that the Philadelphia Phillies will win it.  Sheesh.  We’re not idiots here.

In the NL Central, wouldn’t it be great if this was finally the Chicago Cubs’ year?  Since they last won the World Series (without checking facts, we think it was right around 763 B.C.), the Cubs haven’t been able to get over the hump of a goat, a cat, or a Bartman.  It’s tempting to go with Matt Braun and the Milwaukee Brewers, but we think Braun finally caves under the weight of being a social pariah, and this is the year of the Pittsburgh Pirates.  That’s right.  We said it.  The Pirates.  Casey McGehee says that “this team can do something special.”  Who are we to doubt Casey McGehee?

The NL West is easy to pick.  It would be so nice to visit sunny San Diego in October for the World Series, wouldn’t it?  Yeah, well, it’s not gonna happen.  The San Francisco Giants win the division and the new Magic Johnson-owned Los Angeles Dodgers earn the Wild Card.


In the American League, the Blue Jays beat the A’s because the A’s always lose in the first round of the playoffs.

The Mariners beat the Indians because basing a division winner prediction on a 1989 movie starring Charlie Sheen is just plain stupid.

The Blue Jays beat the Mariners to advance to the World Series.

In the National League, the Phillies sweep the Dodgers.  Seriously, what does Magic Johnson know about baseball?

The Giants beat the Pirates.  It was a nice Cinderella story, and McGehee’s prediction of “something special” comes true just by Pittsburgh making the playoffs.  Let’s not get all Hallmark Channel-y or anything here.  This is baseball we’re talking about.

The Phillies beat the Giants to advance to the World Series.

And your 2012 World Series winner:  the Philadelphia Phillies.  You read it here first. boldly predicting what no other sports website has the onions to predict (don’t bother doing a Google search; just trust us on this one).

Clearly, you need to invest your entire life savings in this opportunity to correctly predict the World Series winner in April.  Just have a cashier’s check made payable to “CASH” sent to us, and we’ll take “special” care of your investment.

Stay tuned for next week’s airtight predictions on who will win the Super Bowl … in 2020.