Houston, We Have a Problem: The Texans are Frauds

The heavily-hyped Monday Night Football game between the New England Patriots and the Houston Texans turned out to be about as interesting to watch as the Seattle Seahawks shaming the Arizona Cardinals, the New York Giants blasting the New Orleans Saints, the New York Jets trying to complete a pass, or paint drying.

For those who went to bed early once Tom Brady and Co. immediately dragged the Texans out to the woodshed, you didn’t miss anything.  The final score was something like 1,000 to 7.  Houston’s fraudulent 11-1 record was immediately and thoroughly de-pantsed in front of the football world and left standing in the middle of Foxboro Stadium, shamed and ridiculed.

Houston hasn’t beaten anyone of note this season.  Of the 13 teams they’ve played so far, only five have a winning record.  Eight of their victories came at the hands of the Miami Dolphins, Jacksonville Jaguars, Tennessee Titans, and Buffalo Bills of the world.

In those five games against teams with winning records, the Texans are 3-2.  That’s not bad, right?

Well…let’s take a closer look.

Houston beat the Denver Broncos 31-25 in Week 3, but that was back when Peyton Manning was still throwing wobbly lame ducks for passes, just three games into returning from a year-long layoff.  He’s not doing that anymore.  In fact, that loss to Houston dropped Denver to 1-2 at the time.  They’re now 10-3.

The Texans beat the Baltimore Ravens 43-13 in Week 7.  However, the Ravens didn’t have Ray Lewis or Ladarius Webb in that contest, and Terrell Suggs was playing his first game of the season, so the vaunted Baltimore defense was a shell of its normal self.  And we all know about Baltimore’s “offense” by now.

Then there was the 13-6 win against the Chicago Bears in a game in which Jason Campbell played quarterback for Da Bears for the entire second half after Jay Cutler was concussed.

The two losses were hideous blowouts:  last night against the Patriots and at home against Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers.  The Packers were 2-3 at the time and looking anything like the Green Bay we’ve become accustomed to, but Rodgers still obliterated the Houston defense with six touchdown passes in a 42-24 rout.

This isn’t to say that the Houston Texans are a bad team.  They’re certainly one of the better teams in the AFC.  They should beat the equally fraudulent Indianapolis Colts next week and secure the AFC South.  It’s pretty likely that they’ll even win a playoff game for the first time in franchise history.

But eventually they’re going to have to deal with Tom Brady or Peyton Manning again.  Manning has his arm back now, and he has film and game experience against Houston to study.  This won’t be the Week 3 Peyton Manning that Houston slipped past.

And we’ve just witnessed what Tom Brady can do to the Texans.

Even if Houston somehow defies the odds and survives the AFC gauntlet, it’s quite possible that Aaron Rodgers and the Packers will await them in the Super Bowl.  Remember:  six touchdown passes.

Texans fans shouldn’t hold their breath about the Lombardi Trophy coming to Houston this year.