A Letter to Santa from a Sports Fan

Dear Santa,

I’ve tried to be good this year. I really have. I haven’t used any performance-enhancing drugs, I haven’t rammed my head into someone else’s head, and I haven’t sucker-punched an opponent on the basketball court. I certainly haven’t done anything like this. The way I figure, I can’t possibly be on your Naughty List this Christmas. Before you pack up your sled and inject Rudolph with some synthetic testosterone for your Christmas Eve flight, I wonder if you’re willing to take some requests. Here are some things that I’d love to find in my stocking this holiday season.

Some college football bowl games on Christmas Day

I want to watch football on Christmas Day, and I don’t want my only choice to be watching Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers obliterate the Chicago Bears without Jay Cutler and Matt Forte. With 35 college football bowl games this season, surely they can spare a game or two on Christmas, can’t they? The Poinsettia Bowl and the Holiday Bowl seem like logical candidates. Without football, what else am I going to do on Christmas, spend the day visiting with family and friends? That’s just absurd.

No more labor disputes

Some people might wish for world peace this holiday season, but what I want for Christmas is no more labor disputes. I know the NBA is finally starting its season on Christmas Day, but that league should get a lump of coal from you for its labor dispute that wiped out 16 games for each team this season. Between the NFL and the NBA, I’ve had quite enough of athletes and owners squabbling over bazillions of dollars. When I get home from working a 10-hour day at $12.00 per hour, I want to flop down in my La-Z-Boy and watch sports, not listen to everyone whine over more money than I’ll ever see in my lifetime.

The end of the BCS

Sure, the BCS Championship Game between LSU and Alabama should be entertaining, and there have been some memorable college football bowl games during the BCS era, but if Alabama wins, can we really call a team that couldn’t win its own division or conference a national champion? Besides, I’d really like to see how Oklahoma State and Boise State would fare against those SEC teams in a playoff.

Tim Tebow to play well for an entire game

I’d just like to see if he can do it.

More buzzer-beaters, no more face-beaters

I can’t get enough of this kind of thing in college basketball, as happened in the Indiana-Kentucky game. That was March Madness kind of excitement, and it gives me chills. I’ve had quite enough of this kind of thing, though. Neither Cincinnati or Xavier should even get a lump of coal from you. They should both just be banned from the NCAA tournament.

I’d ask you for a cool name for my fantasy baseball team this spring, too, but I already have that covered.

Merry Christmas, Santa.

Your Favorite Sports Fan